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He uses my feet to masturbate – but as it’s the only regular pleasure he gets from me, I grin and bear it

My husband and I used to have an adventurous and satisfying sex life, but my interest has waned considerably since reaching menopause. Now I can’t stand the way my husband touches me or his way of initiating sex. I can’t tell him because I’m afraid of offending him, so I grin and bear it – and hate it. There is another thing he does, without asking me if it’s OK. Out of the blue, he wriggles to the bottom of the bed, and uses my feet to masturbate. I don’t like the feeling and I don’t like that he just uses part of my body for his sexual satisfaction without it being a mutual thing. But it’s the only regular pleasure he gets from me, albeit without my consent. I do love him and I want to make some concessions since I am so uninterested, but I don’t know what to do.

Grinning and bearing it is a good way to completely shut down your sexual interest. Menopause can certainly unbalance or reduce the availability of hormones that help a woman enjoy sex and achieve arousal and orgasm, but it should not end your sex life by any means. Talk with your doctor and try to relieve your menopausal symptoms and boost your oestrogen and testosterone. Most importantly, make it a priority to reconnect erotically with your husband by being honest about your responses. No one feels like having sex with a partner who is consistently turning them off. He needs education.

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