After experimenting with bisexuality, fetish clubs and outdoor sex, I am with someone who is sexually conservative. What do I do?
I didn’t marry until I was 40 and I was extremely sexually adventurous before that. I am bisexual, have frequented fetish clubs, engaged in public sex and myriad other escapades. Unfortunately, my wife is extremely conservative when it comes to sex. At first, I didn’t believe this would be an issue, but three years into the marriage and 10 years into the relationship it has started to wear me down. She will not initiate sex, has low self-esteem and has a poor body image. Do I have to make peace with a sexless future?
So, before your marriage, you had seven years of juggling a vanilla relationship with her, while possibly pursuing these erotic adventures elsewhere? At any rate, you have been aware of her sexual conservatism and lack of interest in fetishism for roughly 10 years. I am sure this has never been easy, but it would be useful to consider why you chose her in the first place and why only now it has become unbearably difficult. I imagine many things besides sex initially drew you to her, perhaps a sense of safety. Perhaps your private sexual orientation, desires and behaviour have been troubling to you over the years?