You and your ex’s roles as parents should be foremost in your mind, says Mariella Frostrup, not your sexuality
The dilemma I am 21 and I have a four-month-old son with my boyfriend of four years. We broke up a month ago. Our relationship was full of ups and downs. Since the break up, I’ve noticed my attraction to women is very strong. I’m intimidated by the thought of having sex with a man at the moment and have realised that in every relationship I’ve had, I’ve never been truly satisfied sexually, even with the father of my son. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me. I still love him deeply and care for him, but the way my body excites when I think of a woman is completely different to how it excites to men. I always suppressed how I felt with women, because I thought it had to do with the fact my first sexual encounter was being molested by a woman. I’m confused. I’ve only been in romantic relationships with men and I’ve never (with consent) been sexual with a woman, yet I feel such attraction to them. My mind is flooded with questions and I just can’t seem to understand what is happening.
Mariella replies So let’s focus. I appreciate your sexuality is a concern, but perhaps not your most important one right now. Being molested by this woman may well have created a trigger for you and if that continues to play on your mind then I recommend you seek professional help (Women’s Aid, 0808 2000 247, womensaid.org.uk). A good therapist will be able to guide you through the subliminal trauma and unpick the legacy of an experience that will be contributing to your state of confusion.