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We’re feeling our way into our new relationship, and have agreed that children are not on the immediate agenda. He says he pulls out because he doesn’t want kids. Does this mean he doesn’t trust me?

After many years, and dancing around the edges, my best friend and I have fallen for each other. We recently confessed our feelings, and are now together. We’re in our early 30s and feeling our way through our new relationship, and it’s wonderful. He is clear he does not want children, and I don’t see them in my future either. He knows this. Very recently during sex, he has started pulling out to ejaculate. I asked him about it, and he just said that he doesn’t want kids. I take oral contraceptives. We had sex a handful of times before our relationship, and it was not an issue then. I’m insulted, and worried that he thinks I would be careless or might “trap” him. We’re at a delicate stage in this transition, so I don’t want to make a fuss, but it’s really playing on my mind that he now doesn’t trust me. He says he loves me.

You are right to judge this transition as delicate; tread carefully, and try not to take his withdrawal personally. His opposition to having children may be rooted in deeply troubling aspects of his life, such as painful childhood memories – although perhaps he simply doesn’t feel ready for parenthood.

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